My Catastrophic Birthday
by Tsukiko no Yuki
Summary: 37 years ago in Konoha. 13 years old Jiraiya bets Tsunade that Orochi would never go out with a girl. Before her birthday, Tsunade must make Orochi go out on a date... but can she succeed? [JiraiTsunaOrochi]
1. You Wanna Bet?

**Disclaimer: **It is with great sorrow that I tell you I don't own Naruto. -sniff, sniff-

**Inner Tsukiko: **... You seriously suck.  
**Tsukiko: **And a little warning for Orochi fans... Orochimaru will be a bit OOC! Heheheh... -smirks evilly- OOC Orochi... mwahahah..  
**Inner Tsukiko: **-shakes head and shrugs-  
**Tsukiko: **And also, for those who like requests... -drumroll- I'm taking requests:D Interested? Take a look at my profile (the last part where it says 'Taking requests') and read (or don't, if you don't want to, but if there're some stuff that'd I like you to know before you request anything), and go send your request via a Private Message to me! Yay! -makes a random dance out of boredom-

* * *

**My Catastrophic Birthday **

Prologue: You Wanna Bet?

"Great job today, Orochimaru! And you too, Tsunade", Sarutobi grinned at his students. "And you, Jiraiya..." He eyed the white-haired, thirteen-year-old boy with a sigh. "... train more."

"I train and train and train, and yet you always tell me I should train more!" Jiraiya protested, while Orochimaru walked away, without even saying goodbye.

"You just don't train enough, Jiraiya", Sarutobi said, slightly sternly. "You must train more."

Jiraiya sulked, and Tsunade stuck out her tongue at him, receiving a death glare. Soon, Tsunade and Jiraiya had a very intensive glaring contest. Unfortunately, Tsunade blinked in the middle of the contest, as her eyes began fill with tears due to the staring.

"Ha!" Jiraiya taunted her, earning a well-aimed punch in the face. "OUCH! TSUNADE!"

"Ha!" Tsunade imitated him, and stuck out her tongue. "Can't even take a punch, eh, Jiraiya? You're pathetic. Unlike Orochimaru", she added and glanced at her teammate with a bit of admiration from her eyecorner.

"Orochimaru, Orochimaru, Orochimaru! Can people never talk about anybody else?" Jiraiya snarled.

"Well, get as talented as him and then people will start talking about you too", Tsunade said with a smirk.

"At least I'm not gay! I can go out with girls!"

"Orochimaru is not gay!" Tsunade argued. "He's just... more mature!" **(A/N: Sorry to all yaoi/yuri fans... -.-)**

"Yeah, right", Jiraiya responded sarcastically. "As if. He'd never go out with any girl."

"Yes, he would!"

"You wanna bet?" Jiraiya grinned mischievously.

"Sure!" Tsunade replied,without even thinking about the consequences in her upsetness.

"Okay, so here's the deal; before your birthday, which is three days away,you must make Orochimaru go out with a girl, just any girl - it can be you or it can be the old granny nextdoors - but it must be a date, it doesn't count if you just make him go outdoors to train or something. And... the date must be successful, if it becomes one big fiasco, then you've lost." Jiraiya paused, his grin widening. "If you win this bet, you get to..."

"...beat you up 999 times without any complaints, _and _make you ask the ugliest girl in Konoha to go on a date with you _and _make you pay 20000 yen _and _-"

"Hey, that's too much", Jiraiya protested.

"Okay, okay, fine. How about beating you up 999 times andhave you run around in Konoha and scream that you'rea pervertin public for two hours? And _I _get to choose where you're going to shout it." Tsunade sneered.

"I'm not a pervert!" Jiraiya replied hotly. "But fine, just because my punishment would be total humiliation, yours will be too." He put on a sneer onto his face like Tsunade. "You must go out on a date with me, and I get to choose where we're going, and you'll pay for everything."

Tsunade's face went red. "A date? With... with... _you_!" she spat in disgust.

"Yeah, great, huh?" Jiraiya smirked.

"Urgh... fine!" she snapped. "I accept!"

* * *

**Tsukiko: **Hmm, extremely short, but I promise next chapter will be longer! What do you think? -smirks-  
**Inner Tsukiko: **I prefer "This Is (Not) My First Time". But well, I'm impressed, you actually managed to release one of those new fics you've been babbling about for so long.  
**Tsukiko: **... Thanks?  
**Inner Tsukiko:** Baka. -.-

* * *

_Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: Attempts _

**"Orochimaru-san... uh... do you want to go on a date... with... me?" **

Orochimaru stared blankly at her for a couple of minutes, making her feeling uncomfortable. Then he said, in an emotionless and almost bored voice: "No."

Tsunade, hiding behind the bushes, cursed Orochimaru's damned pride and disinterest in girls... what was she going to do now? Then she got the perfect idea...


	2. Attempts

**Disclaimer: **I, unfortunately, do not own Naruto.

**Tsukiko: **Aaaand... the first chapter is published! Yay!  
**Inner Tsukiko: **... Am I supposed to dance out of glee or something?  
**Tsukiko: **No, let's save that for the first request we receive. Or my birthday. Or both:D  
**Inner Tsukiko: **...

* * *

**Chapter 1: Attempts**

Tsunade was not happy when she came home.

And when I say _not _happy, I really mean it. She almost crushed the floor as she stomped up the stairs.

"Tsunade-chan!" she heard her mother shout. "Don't destroy the house, please! We've already paid enough since last time when you destroyed our neighbor's garden, and Jiraiya's room, and-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get the point!" Tsunade snapped and slammed her door shut, throwing herself onto the bed with a frustrated snort. What was she going to do now? She had been stupid to accept the bet. But if she didn't, Jiraiya would tease her forever.

Oh, the torture.

Sure, Orochimaru would probably go on a date with a girl, sooner or later. He was abnormal, but still... he was human, wasn't he? All humans go on dates, at least once in their lifetime...

... right?

But in three days?

"I need expert help", she muttered, and her eyes traveled to the open window with a sudden smirk. "_Now _I know."

* * *

"Tsunade, you must be the dumbest girl in all universe", Rina sighed as she eyed her friend. Tsunade scowled. "But honestly, you are", Rina added protectively. "I mean, Orochimaru-san, go out with a girl? Never." 

"He must", Tsunade answered stubbornly. "He's a guy."

"Not all guys go out with girls, Tsunade. Some are hermits and others are... well..." Rina looked at Tsunade with a nervous grin. "... gay."

"Orochimaru is not gay!" Tsunade exclaimed.

"We've got to prove that, right?"

"Are you siding with Jiraiya? Eh? Eh?" Tsunade sent her a murderous glare.

"No, what I mean is that you shouldn't throw yourself into arguments before you're sure that you're right. Especially arguments with dangerous consequences", Rina sighed.

"But hey, you're Orochimaru's fangirl, aren't you? You should try to prove that he's not gay. I mean, every guy is fighting about going out with you. I can't count the times Jiraiya has asked you out and gotten a no", Tsunade remarked. It was true. Rina was more beautiful than all the girls in Konoha; light-brown, soft hair as chocolate and eyes like glimmering sapphires.

"Well... um... I guess it's true", said Rina, flushing. She was Orochimaru's secret admirer, though she hadn't admitted it to anyone except Tsunade andall the girls in Konoha. It was amazing how long it had remained a secret.

"So tomorrow", Tsunade continued to press her, "You just go and ask Orochimaru out."

"But Tsunade!" Rina burst out, looking startled. "I can't ask _him _out! He's supposed to ask _me_!"

"Well, you know him. He'll never ask anyone out. Instead, girls have to ask _him _out. C'mon, Rina, you aren'ta chicken, are you?"

Tsunade smiled sweetly at Rina's face expression. Her cheeks turned red and her eyes flashed dangerously.

"Don't you dare call me a chicken again, Tsunade", Rina hissed, "Or else -"

"Or else what?" Tsunade interrupted her with an excessively sweet voice. "You'll hit me?"

Rina gulped down her pride. Tsunade was way stronger than herself, and she was aware of it.

"Okay then", Rina sighed at last. "But do you really think it's a good idea?"

"Yeah, 'course", Tsunade lied with an innocent face. That awakened Rina's suspicion.

"You're lying", Rina commented determinedly.

"No, I'm not", Tsunade denied.

"Yes, you are. I can see it on your face", Rina said matter-of-factly.

"I'm not. Do you want me to punch you?" Tsunade threatened.

"I was just kidding", Rina swiftly protected herself. "But hey, if it doesn't work, I'll blame you and tell the entire Konoha that you're dating Jiraiya. Get it?"

Ah, yes, one must admit Rina and Tsunade hada most adorable and touching friendship.

* * *

"Tsunade-chan, you must be the stupidest girl in universe", Tsunade's mother sighed as she looked at her daughter. "And I thought you'd have some of your grandfather's or grand-uncle's intelligence. Honestly, Tsunade-chan, you know Orochimaru-kun won't go out with anyone." 

Tsunade pouted. "Kaa-san, he's a guy. He must, sooner or later."

"Tsunade-chan", Tsunade said with a soft voice that made Tsunade scowl the more, because she was speaking as though Tsunade had been a little disobedient three-year-old, "You must understand that some boys do simply not go out with girls. They're just hermits, or... gay."

"Orochimaru is not gay!" Tsunade yelled for the third time the same day.

"Tsunade-chan, don't _shout_", her mother told her in the same soft voice, but with a hint of firmness.

"Yes, kaa-san", Tsunade muttered through gritted teeth as she gulped down some rice. She didn't feel hungry anymore; why was everyone calling her stupid?

"Tsunade-chan...", her mother began in a smooth, gentle voice again, but Tsunade cut across her:

"I'm not hungry", and walked out of the house.

* * *

"Tsunade, you must be the dumbest girl in universe", said Sarutobi, and then watched Tsunade glower out of rage. "No offense, Tsunade, but normally you're the smartest one except Orochimaru, but this was just downright... stupid." 

"Sensei!" Tsunade exclaimed angrily. "Not you too!"

And she had thought she'd escape those people when she walked out of the house and attempted to take a moonlight walk... then she had met her sensei, who had wondered why she was so angry, and now...

"But Tsunade, you know Orochimaru wouldn't go out with girls. He'd find it a waste of time", Sarutobi sighed. "He's like one of those boys who -"

"- are like hermits or gay?" Tsunade finished through clenched teeth. Sarutobi looked at her in surprise.

"How did you know I'd say that?"

"OROCHIMARU IS NOT GAY!" Tsunade roared at the top of her voice.

Silence.

Not gay - not gay - not gay, it echoed.

The silence was unexpectedly loud.

Not gay - not gay - not gay -

Oh, deafening silence.

Not gay - not gay - not gay -

"Excuse me?" Sarutobi repeated weakly.

"Didn't you hear me? I said OROCHIMARU IS NOT -"

"Thank you, we've heard that already", a voice said behind her, and she blushed when she saw when it was. "And by the way, who said I was?"

"Uh... hi, Orochimaru", she greeted, and forced herself to smile.

"Hi", he responded unemotionally, and eyed first Sarutobi, and then his teammate.

"Eh... nice weather it is today, ne?" she said with a shrill voice and laughed nervously. "Eh he he..."

"You haven't responded my question. Who said I was gay?" asked Orochimaru bluntly.

"Uh... nobody...", she smiled anxiously.

"It must've been someone, since you apparently said I weren't", Orochimaru interrupted her.

"Eh... uh... well, we were just talking about... about... eh... how you... ehm..."

If she started to talk about how he never went out with girls, that'd totally make her plan fail! And Jiraiya would probably say she lost the bet...

"How I what?" Orochimaru now showed slight impatience in his voice.

Or wait, had Jiraiya said anything about telling the bet to the one who the bet was about? And maybe he'd get panic-struck and go out with the first girl who asked him out... who'd happen to be Rina...

"... how you never go out with girls", she finished, and Sarutobi gaped at her in disbelief. She told him!

Orochimaru frowned. "And simply of that cause, I'm accused ofbeing gay?"

**_YOU HAVE THE WRONG REACTION! _**Inner Tsunade screamed. **_You're supposed to say, "WHAT THE HELL! I MUST FIND A GIRL TO GO OUT WITH NOW SO I CAN GET RID OF THIS RUMOR!" _**

"Eh... yeah?" Tsunade plastered a fake grin onto her face.

"How stupid", Orochimaru commented and walked away.

**_You're supposed to be nervous and panicked, baka! SHANNARO! _**Inner Tsunade growled as she cracked her knuckles.

And to top it all off, that'd mean Rina would get rejected tomorrow. And Tsunade's reputation would be in danger.

It just wasn't her day, was it?

* * *

When the sunshine warmed Tsunade's face as her mother shouted, "Wake up, Tsunade-chan!", Tsunade just felt for turning away and continue to sleep the rest of the day. Normally she'd get out of bed fast so she could go training, but today she just wanted to stay in bed, because of what she knew was going to happen after the training. 

"Tsunade! Wake up!" her mother called again, this time louder.

"No", Tsunade groaned and rolled to another side in the bed.

"TSUNADE! WAKE UP NOW!" her mother yelled.

"Okay, okay. FINE THEN!" Tsunade snapped to nobody in particular and stomped to her bathroom, destroying some of the floor on the way. Yeah, Tsunade was grumpy in the morning. It was just to accept it - once you got used to it, you wouldn't become surprised and gape at the remarkably large holes she made in the morning.

After brushing her teeth and eating breakfast, Tsunade decided to change outfit. Her outfit had gotten horribly sweaty the day before and felt uncomfortably sweaty still. So she decided to wear agrey-purplish outfit instead, which looked exactly like the one she usually wore, but in another color.

Tsunade felt a bit delightful as she spun around in front of the mirror. It didn't look so bad; a bittoodarkfor her taste, but otherwise pretty fine. But when she thought of what was going to happen in the afternoon, she felt all her happiness blow away again.

"I knew I shouldn't have accepted the bet", she mumbled for herself as she walked out from the house and towards the training grounds.

**_DAMN JIRAIYA! _**Inner Tsunade yelled. **_SHANNARO!_**

* * *

"Tsunade, concentrate! Concentrate!" Sarutobi shouted as Tsunade threw a couple of shuriken at the target on the tree. All of them missed. Sarutobi heaved a sigh. 

"What's with you, Tsunade?" he complained. "You've been totally distracted all noon."

"Sorry", Tsunade muttered. "Lack of sleep."

"Heh, so flat-chested Tsunade lacks sleep, ne? No wonder... the punishment of -"

Jiraiya was roughly cut off when he received another well-aimed punch in the face.

"Shut up, Jiraiya, if you don't want to die a painful death!" she growled menacingly.

"Okay, I get the message", Jiraiya muttered as he stood up, brushing off some dust.

"Well, I guess training is over for today. Good job as always, Orochimaru. Tsunade, you must concentrate, and Jiraiya, train more."

Orochimaru started to walk off again, Jiraiya began to sulk and protest as always, and Tsunade felt a pang of panic when she saw Rina arrive.

"Orochimaru-san!" she heard her shout with a bright smile on her face.

**_Oh no, she comes! _**Inner Tsunade exclaimed out of horror. **_She's going to kill me... I've got to do something! Argh... got to think quick... shannaro! _**

Orochimaru looked up, emotionless as always, when Rina, still beaming, came up to him, wearinga pink outfit similar to Tsunade's.

"Hi", she greeted him cheerfully.

"Hi", Orochimaru replied without the slighest trace of joy.

"So... Orochimaru-san..."

She paused, probably hoping he'd say something, and stifled a giggle.

"I..."

"_Hello_, Rina!" Tsunade burst out, trying not to sound nervous, and grasped Rina's arm. "I was just looking for you!"

"Tsunade? But...", Rina started confusedly, but Tsunade had already began pulling her away.

"Let's talk somewhere else! Eh he he he! Ja ne, everyone!"

Sarutobi and Jiraiya sweatdropped as they watched Tsunade drag away her friend, and if Orochimaru hadn't been able to hide his emotions or if he hadn't been so uninterested, he'd probably have sweatdropped too.

* * *

"Tsunade!" Rina hissed. "What're you doing?" 

"Look, Rina, I just realized it wasn't the right moment", Tsunade said. "So just listen to me -"

"I choose when or where I'm going to ask, Tsunade! I just thought that it was a good idea when you said that I'd ask after the training! Now you spoiled my chance!"

"Rina, look - hey, Rina!"

But Rina had already disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke with a 'poof'. Tsunade swore, cursing her friend's stubbornness...

* * *

It was incredible how easy it was to become a stalker. Now Tsunade didn't regret at all that she had chosen a dark outfit, as she hid in the shadows and watched where Orochimaru went and what he did. 

_Maybe I can get some clues about how I can trick- no, I mean persuade - him to go out on a date_, Tsunade thought and dived into a couple of bushes fast as he stopped, apparently because someone had run towards him, calling his name.

That was when Tsunade recognized the voice.

_SHIT! _she thought in panic as she saw Rina began to babble on about how she had just walked past when she caught sight of him. _If I jump out from the bushes now, Orochimaru will realize I've been following him, and if I don't, my reputation will be threatened!_

"Can you get to the point?" Orochimaru cut Rina off in the middle of her long speech about her new dress and how she was going to the hairsalon. "I'm in a hurry."

"Oh... right", Rina blushed.

_Damn! Now she's going to say it. Oh no, oh no, oh no..._, Tsunade groaned inwardly and felt for shutting her eyes tight and pretending that she was dreaming. Unluckily, her eyes were wide open in horror.

"Orochimaru-san... uh... do you want to go on a date... with... me?"

Orochimaru stared blankly at her for a couple of minutes, making her feeling uncomfortable. Then he said, in an emotionless and almost bored voice: "No."

Tsunade, hiding behind the bushes, cursed Orochimaru's damned pride and disinterest in girls... what was she going to do now? Then she got the perfect idea...

"I see", Rina replied after some silence, and smiled bravely. "I... am sorry for bothering you. Uh... see you later!"

And she ran off, but before she did, Tsunade could've sworn she was sobbing.

But that didn't matter now. What mattered was her perfect,new, wicked plan -

That was when she noticed Orochimaru was staring at the bushes she was hiding in. Had he noticed her? Impossible. She hadn't moved, hadn't made a sound at all...

"Tsunade", he said, and she was almost sure there was some amusement in his voice, "What're you doing in the bushes?"

Oops.

* * *

**Tsukiko: **Mwahahah! -laughs evilly- I wonder what excuse Tsunade has...  
**Inner Tsukiko: **Something good, hopefully. But seeing how you're the author, it must be something lame.  
**Tsukiko: **HEY!  
**Inner Tsukiko: **...  
**Tsukiko: **Heheheh... next chapter released tomorrow or the day after tomorrow! I hope you enjoy the fic... ja ne:D

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**Reviews Corner **

**Sodeno Shirayuki:** Thanks a lot :D I'm glad you like the way I write.  
**Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin:** Oops, I must'veforgotten to change that XD I'm used to writing "sorry yaoi/yuri fans", so it just "came" automatically when I wrote that Author's Note... I noticed it yesterday, but I must've forgotten to change it XD And Orochi isn't OOC yet, but he might be a little soon.. -laughs in an ebil way XD- And thanks :D

**Thanks for the reviews:D I'm glad you like it!

* * *

**

_Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: Ganbatte! The Fight for Orochimaru's Attention _

**"Don't listen to her, Orochimaru! All she wants to is to use you for a bet!" Jiraiya blurted out in his panic. **

"No, no, noooo, of course not...", Tsunade protested in a singsong voice, trying to look as convincing as possible, but she could see Orochimaru raise an eyebrow... what the hell was she going to do now?


	3. Ganbatte! The Fight for Attention

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto. Nuff said.

**Tsukiko: **Sorry for the slight delay! Aaand... haaappy birthday, Sasuke-kuuun!

* * *

**Chapter 2: Ganbatte! The Fight For Orochimaru's Attention **

"Eh... _heeello_, Orochimaru-kun!" she grinned nervously, as she walked out of the bushes.

"Hi. I was wondering what you were doing in the bushes?" he asked calmly.

"I... uhh..." Tsunade searched her brain for a good reason."I was looking for my necklace!"

"Your necklace?" Orochimaru raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah... I think I lost it on my way home", lied Tsunade.

"On your way home?" he repeated, his eyebrow raising somewhat more.

"Uhh, hai, I always walk past here -"

"Liar", he said with the very smallest hint of amusement, "You don't walk this road home. You live in the other end of Konoha."

"How do you know that?" Tsunade said, looking surprised. "You've never even been at my house."

To Tsunade's big amusement, Orochimaru looked away, staring at the ground instead of her. "Err... Jiraiya said where you lived", he excused himself, but Tsunade could see he was lying, and she found it very entertaining.

"Anyway", he said, changing the topic, "What's with the '-kun' suffix? You never call me... Orochimaru-_kun_..."

"Err..." Tsunade didn't know why she had done it herself. It had come automatically; normally she only added the '-kun' suffix to boys she was currently having crushes on, and since she _obviously _didn't have a crush on Orochimaru, she added to herself, it was just downright weird. "I just... felt for it."

"I see."

Tsunade then smiled. "Well, I've got to go! See you around!" And she turned around and ran off, not seeing the little smile Orochimaru wore on his face... **(A/N: Naaw, that's just so cute... imagine Orochi smiling cutely. :D OK, maybe it's a bit OOC, but...)  
**

**

* * *

**

"Aiko! Aikoooo!" Tsunade shouted as she ran towards her friend. The fifteen years old blonde looked up, surprised, and then smirked at the sight of Tsunade, before resuming her conversation with another girl, who was a brunette.

"Aiko!" Tsunade panted as she came to an abrupt stop in front of the older girl. "I need your help!"

"What now, Tsunade?" Aiko heaved a sigh. "If you want me to use the _Maito Ai _no jutsu on my brother again, it's useless. I've already told you it doesn't work, he knows how to break the genjutsu -" **(A/N: I got the idea from Gai's name, Maito Gai, which means Mighty Guy. Since ai means love, Maito Ai would mean mighty love.)**

"It's not _him _I want to use it on", Tsunade cut her off with an impatient gesture. "It's Orochimaru."

Silence. Then...

"Ahahahahahahahahahah! Hahahaha!"

Aiko and her brunette friend were laughing their heads off. Tsunade glared at them, but they failed to notice.

"Out of all the crushes you've had so far, this was the silliest one! Tsunade, have you eaten something improper, or have you just gone insane?" Aiko said through her laughter.

"I don't have a crush on him", said Tsunade, but she could feel her cheeks hotten somewhat.

"Why do you want to use the Maito Ai no jutsu on him, then?" Aiko's friend grinned teasingly.

"Because I've a bet with Jiraiya", Tsunade snarled at her, and then looked around with a sigh out of relief. Orochimaru was nowhere in sight.

"Okay, that made more sense", Aiko said and stopped laughing. "So you want me to make him fall in love with you for a day?"

"Yeah, or just any girl", Tsunade replied with satisfaction in her voice. "I need to make him go outon a date with just anyone."

"Preferably you, that is", Aiko taunted.

"I didn't say that", Tsunade muttered, her blush appearing again, and her two friends burst into laughter once more.

"Honestly, Tsunade, what do you see in that guy? I mean, he looks like a snake, he behaves like a snake and he's just... ew", Aiko's friend said witha sneer. "Besides, he's gay."

"He's not that bad once you get to know him", Tsunade retorted defensively. "He's actually pretty cute. And..." She took a deep breath. "HE'S NOT GAY!"

"Are you honest when you say you don't have a crush on him?" Aiko teased, and began laughing again.

"Oh, shut up", Tsunade said irritably. "Just listen to what I've to say now..."

* * *

And the next day arrived. Sarutobi had to go on a meeting for special jounins, so Tsunade, Orochimaru and Jiraiya were free to do whatever they wanted to. Of course, Orochimaru went training by himself, and Jiraiya seized the chance to spy on Tsunade so that he could prevent her from winning their bet... 

_Though of course_, Jiraiya added in his mind as he saw Tsunade lean against a tree, _it'd be impossible for her to win. Orochimaru would **never** go on a date._

"Ah, _there _you are, Aiko!" he heard Tsunadeburst out.

_Aiko?_ Jiraiya stifled a scornful chuckle. _The girl who's infamous in Konoha for her laziness and weakness? The only thing she can do is to perform her family's special genjutsu, Maito Ai... _

Maito Ai? Jiraiya's scornfulness disappeared immediately. _Uh-oh...  
_

_

* * *

_

"Hi, Orochimaru! What're you up to?" Tsunade said cheerfully as she approached her black-haired teammate, who was currently kicking a target on a tree.

Orochimaru looked up from his training, with the same expressionless face as always, and then returned his attention to the target. "Training", he responded.

"Eh..." Tsunade forced her brain to think up something more to talk about so that Orochimaru would look at her... and then... she hid a triumphant giggle. "So... er... what do you plan to do after training?"

Orochimaru looked at her again, and then stared at his target once more as he now punched it. "More training", he replied.

**_How boring_**, Inner Tsunade groaned. **_Don't you do anything else except training? _**

"Er.. you don't feel for... um.. joining me and... eh..." Tsunade tried to think of another person. **_Sensei? No, he's away. Rina? No, she's mad at me, and besides, she's busy telling everyone I'm dating Jiraiya. Aiko? No, she must be hiding so that she can do the Maito Ai no jutsu. Er... Jiraiya? ARGH! NEVER! SHANNARO! _**"Eh.. me, that is! Eh heh heh!"

"Join you in what?" Orochimaru asked, looking at her boredly before kicking the target again.

"Join me in... in..." **_Come on now, Tsunade! I can't think of anything... _**"... in..."

"In?" Orochimaru repeated, now looking slightly amused as he looked at her again, and kicked the target a last time before the entire tree fell down, and went to the next target beside the previous one.

"In..." Orochimaru now was clearly entertained, as he wore a smirk on his face as he watched Tsunade have an inner battle with her brain. Tsunade felt her cheeks go slightly pink. _**He looks good when he's smirking... DAMN! Aiko is watching me! She'll tease me after this! SHANNARO!**_"Er... in -"

"Hi, Orochimaru, flat-chested Tsunade! And what're you two doing this, eh, _fine _afternoon?" interrupted Jiraiya with a scornful smirk. A vein popped on Tsunade's head.

"JIRAIYA!" she thundered and punched him in the face. Blood was streaming out of Jiraiya's nostrils as he fell to the ground, birds circling above his head as he was currently knocked out. She saw Orochimaru look at Jiraiya, looking bored/unemotional as always. **_Damn! If he doesn't look at me, the Maito Ai no jutsu won't work! It's all Jiraiya's fault! Shannaro!_**

"Eh, as I was saying, Orochimaru...", Tsunade began, plastering a fake sweet smile on her face, "Would you mind joining me in -"

But Jiraiya had gotten up and said loudly: "As _I _was saying, what're you doing this fine afternoon?"

"Orochimaru", Tsunade continued through gritted teeth as she bravely tried to ignore Jiraiya, and ignore her desire to punch him to death, "Would you like to -"

"Are you going to train? Yay, let's do it together!" Jiraiya said and quickly stood in front of Tsunade, so that Orochimaru would look at him and not Tsunade.

"Never mind Jiraiya, Orochimaru", Tsunade pressed herself to say with a continued sweet smile, which now looked more like a grimace of anger, and pushed Jiraiya away, "Listen to me instead, I was saying -"

"No, listen to me", Jiraiya interrupted once more, and quickly stood up in front of Tsunade, "I -"

"JIRAIYAAAAAAAA!" Tsunade roared, and her eyes flashed dangerously as she once more aimed a mighty punch in Jiraiya's face. She then returned to Orochimaru with a sweet smile, this time a more real one. Orochimaru sweatdropped, for the first time ever. "So, Orochimaru..."

"Don't listen to her, Orochimaru! All she wants to is to use you for a bet!" Jiraiya blurted out in his panic.

"No, no, noooo, of course not...", Tsunade protested in a singsong voice, trying to look as convincing as possible, but she could see Orochimaru raise an eyebrow... what the hell was she going to do now? If Orochimaru found out, maybe he'd get angry or something after the MaitoAi nojutsu... and even if Tsunade didn't want to lose the bet, she didn't want to get her crush - err, I mean her _teammate _- angry, right?

"What are you two doing, anyway?" Orochimaru asked with the same calm voice as always, as his glance switched to Jiraiya on the ground who crawled on the ground, attempting to stand up.

"I don't know what Jiraiya is doing", said Tsunade swiftly, "But, uhm... I was just going to ask... well... eh... never mind! I've got to go anyway, ja ne!"

And she got hold of Jiraiya's hair and began to drag him away from Orochimaru.

"OUCH! OUCH! Let me go! Ow!" Jiraiya complained and attempted to kick her, but the dangerous sparkle in Tsunade's eyes appeared again.

"Jiraiya...", she hissed.

"Okay, okay, I get it", Jiraiya sulked as they stopped, now far away from where Orochimaru was.

"You tried to sabotage me!" she accused as Aiko appeared beside her.

"What're you doing, Tsunade?" Aiko complained. "Are you abandoning our plan?"

"No, I'm not, I'm just having a little talk with someone who's sabotaging us", Tsunade responded calmly and then glared at Jiraiya.

"Well, we never said we weren't allowed to sabotage each other", Jiraiya defended himself.

"JIRAIYA...!" Tsunade gave him another punch and then left the knocked out Jiraiya on the ground and 'hmph'ed before turning to Aiko. "C'mon, Aiko, let's give it a new try."

And they walked away, leaving Jiraiya there. However...

-POOF-

The real Jiraiya appeared from behind the tree. "Phew, that was close", he sighed out of relief, and then smirked at where Tsunade and Aiko had been walking. "But... Tsunade-_hime_... a real shinobi is always prepared for everything..."

* * *

"Hi again, Orochimaru!" Tsunade exclaimed as she reappeared in the training grounds. Orochimaru looked up from the new target, on which he was throwing kunais and shuriken, responded 'hi' and continued concentrating on the target. 

"So... ehm, I was just going to ask...", Tsunade began, but was once more cut across by a too familiar voice:

"Heeello, flat-chested Tsunade!"

**_UGH! Not him... AGAIN...I need to kill someone... SHANNARO! _**Inner Tsunade screamed.

"Orochimaru, would you mind going somewhere else -", Tsunade began.

"Yo,Orochimaru, do you want to spar? With me?" Jiraiya grinned at his teammate.

"Orochimaru, ignore him -"

"No, ignore her -"

"JIRAIYA! CAN YOU SHUT UP?"

"ARGH! I'M GIVING UP!" Aiko burst out from the bushes as she stood up. Tsunade looked at her in disbelief.

"Aiko! No, wait..."

"I'm getting tired of sitting there in the bushes forever! Besides, I'm already late for my date with Hachiro! So I'm going now... and, Tsunade -" Aiko turned around and glared at her friend, "- never ask me to do you a favor again. Get it?"

"But, Aiko...", said Tsunade desperately.

"Hmph!" Aiko merely said and walked off. Jiraiya was grinning broadly in triumph, and Tsunade gave him a death glare, three veins popping on her head as she gave him an almighty punch _again. _

"It's ALL your fault, Jiraiya! If it weren't for you, I... huh?" Tsunade looked around. Orochimaru was gone! And her plan had failed... what was she going to do now? And she only had this day and tomorrow left...

* * *

**Tsukiko: **I hope you guys liked it! Orochimaru was a bit OOC, but... not that much, I hope? x.x By the way, if you see things that are in bold or italics when it shouldn't be, or words that are "pasted" together likethis, or sentences that are repeated right after each other when they shouldn't be, can you tell me, please? I don't know why, but the things I just mentioned keeps happening all the time...  
**Inner Tsukiko: **Happy birthday, Sasuke-kun! x3  
**Tsukiko: **Will you please not change the topic?  
**Inner Tsukiko: **I want to, I will, and I have already. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Sasuke-kun..  
**Tsukiko: **Anyway... the next chapter will be done soon! (I don't know how soon, though...) And don't forget to request! And review! And... wish Sasuke-kun a happy birthday:D Ja!

* * *

**Reviews Corner **

**Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin:**Thanks,I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter, Orochi was slightly OOC, but I hope it wasn't that bad... x.x  
**Corzova:** Thanks:D  
**Shikabane-Mai:** Thanks, I'm glad that you like it :)  
**Warda:** Thanks :)

* * *

_Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: The Final Decision _

**Tsunade smirked out of triumph, and laughed out loud at the thought of how Orochimaru would react; he'd do the most OOC things ever, like drooling, getting 'hearts' as eyes, begin flirting and everything... because deep inside, Orochimaru was like any other normal boy... **

... right?


	4. The Final Decision

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto. But we all know that already, ne?

**Tsukiko: **Sorry for the delay! x.x To make a long story short, my dad accidentally deleted this chapter and I forgot what I was writing about when I wanted to rewrite it. When I finally remembered what I had written about, I got Writer's Block. But now it's almost over, I think. XD

* * *

**Chapter 3: The Final Decision **

Tsunade felt like she could kill someone.

No, by the way, maybe we should change the sentence. She _felt_ she _would _kill someone.

She gazed down at the white-haired boy at her feet, who was groaning out of pain, still trying to recover from her repeated punches. A sinister sparkle appeared in her rage-filled eyes, but then she remembered the bet, bit her lip, snorted, and walked away.

Then she stopped again.

**_My plan failed! _**Inner Tsunade screeched. **_My beautiful plan failed! What the hell am I going to do now? What? What? Damn! It's all Jiraiya no baka's fault! I'll sure beat him up when I'm done with this bet! SHANNARO! _**

Then she got it.

The perfect idea.

And it was hers. All hers.

Well, not exactly. She had had her source of inspiration. Her eyes wandered back again to Jiraiya, who was now struggling to stand up without falling together again. Well, he wouldn't bother her too soon... hopefully. But at least, he had given her some inspiration.

Tsunade smirked out of triumph, and laughed out loud at the thought of how Orochimaru would react; he'd do the weirdest things ever (well, weird to him anyway), like drooling, getting 'hearts' as eyes, begin flirting and everything... because deep inside, Orochimaru was like any other normal boy...

... right?

Tsunade waved away the little doubt she carried in her mind, and walked away, laughing wickedly like some madwoman. Then she stopped once more, looked back at Jiraiya with her mostevilsmile, and said scornfully: "Thanks, Jiraiya. Your perverted mind just gave me the perfect idea." And then she began laughing again, nowrunning out of sight.

Jiraiya looked at her, his eyes widened, half out of horror, half out of disbelief. _What is she up to now?_

* * *

Orochimaru sighed. Finally peace and quiet. 

Not that he minded Tsunade and Jiraiya around, really. They were his teammates, and teamwork was always good, even though he preferred to be alone. He liked to be independent. Not that he wasn't already, but the more independent, the more power. And power was just... good.

But today had been a bit too much. Tsunade hardly _ever _looked for him when they had days off from being ninjas and just being able to either train or relax (Orochimaru always trained, of course), let alone together with Jiraiya. And they had acted weird. Real weird.

Maybe they were some other shinobi from another village impersonating his teammates? He thought of the idea, then shrugged. Well, they only seemed to want to disturb him if so. Maybe they were bored academy students who had nothing better to do than to practice their henge no jutsu.

But then again... Tsunade's almighty punch would hardly be any academy student's work. And Tsunade really had great strength. He suppressed a shiver at the thought of receiving the punch himself. Luckily, he never made Tsunade mad. Good thing he didn't.

Hmm... come to think of it, maybe it was Sarutobi-sensei testing his power of not being distracted during training? Maybe. But not too likely. The way Tsunade acted was just way too weird for Sarutobi-sensei.

Then our dear Orochi, who had come to another part of the forest, solely to train without being distractedbut had _stopped _training due to distractingthinking of why histeammates had come to distract him. Oh, the distraction. And while he was fighting his brain to search for any clues of his teammates' bizarre behavior, he heard a movement in the bushes.

Orochimaru's immediate reaction was to stand up with a kunai and ask, "Dare?" **(A/N: In Japanese it means 'who' for those who don't know.) **

"Orochimaru-kuun, don't be too aggressive nooow!" half-sang, half-spoke a familiar voice, abnormally sweet. It was so sweet, Orochimaru almost puked. Like some certain avenger boy we know in the present time, Orochimaru did not like sweets.However,he was good at hiding his feelings, and only wore the same blank face as always. (**A/N: Does Orochimaru dislike sweets? o.O I don't know, I just thought he might... because he doesn't seem like the sweet type. But then again, I don't know much about his childhood, more about the way he was when he became an adult. x.x)**

"Tsunade", he merely said, raising one of his eyebrows. "What're you doing in the bushes?"

"Orochimaru-kuuun!" Tsunade exclaimed and jumped out of the bushes. Orochimaru had to stop himself from puking another time. Because out of the bushes came...

* * *

Suddenly, Jiraiya stood up. His panic had once again surfaced, and he now knew exactly why. Tsunade was going to use... _that _jutsu...!

* * *

...what seemed like an older Tsunade (about in the early twenties), her body perfectly slim, her, er, _bust _perfectly formed, her blonde hair lying in perfect shiny waves on her shoulders, her brown eyes glimmering perfectly, and she was perfectly... _naked_. 

Yes, my ladies and gentlemen. The infamous Sexy no Jutsu. Unknown to Orochimaru (whose face was unreadable - a.k.a. blank) and Tsunade (who was doing her best posing sexily, which she had never done before), this jutsu would be perfected by none other than the infamous Uzumaki Naruto (who, at this time, was yet to be born).

Well, even though Tsunade was not perverted at all, she had merely fulfilled this jutsu because of a bet of her and Jiraiya's. She had only used it once, and it was in front of Jiraiya for ten seconds before beating him up because of his drooling, but she knew that any guy fell for it.

But when she looked confidently and seducingly into Orochimaru's yellow eyes...

... they were blank.

Totally blank.

Almost bored.

As always.

**_"As always"! _**Inner Tsunade bellowed. _**What's wrong with that guy anyway! Why doesn't he nosebleed, drool, flirt, get hearts as eyes, or at least look a bit affected by my jutsu? Maybe it IS true that he's gay... **_

"Tsunade", he simply said calmly, "What the hell are you doing a henge no jutsu and are... naked? And why the hell are you flirting with me?"

"Uh, because... because..." Tsunade's charming surface was blowed away in an instant. _Crap_. Then she glanced at him again and noticed _some _reaction after all; he had said 'what the hell' and 'why the hell'. She had never heard him say that before! **_I rock! Shannaro! _**"Uh..."

"I'm waiting. And if you do mind, put your clothes back on."

"OK, fine, I'll tell you about it", Tsunade pouted, muttered 'kai' and went back to his normal self, now fully dressed.

Silence. A breeze lifted a couple of leaves from the ground that blew past them.

They could even hear each other's breathing.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"I'm waiting, Tsunade..."

"Okay, okay! So Jiraiya and I had a bet about if you could go out with any girl at all before my birthday to prove that you're not gay, and... well... you know the rest." She turned away, not wanting to look him straight in the eyes.

Orochimaru, as she expected when she hurriedly glanced at him and then continued to stare at the ground, was frowning. "They think I am... homosexual?" he asked. "What reason do they have to think that?"

"Uh, yeah", sheresponded uncomfortably. "Because, uh, you've never had a crush on any girl before or dated one, or even... well... _liked _a girl, like, we're teammates and we're not even friends, and... yeah, you get the point."

"And what do you get if you lose the bet?"

"Eh... I get to go on a date with Jiraiya."

"And if you win?"

"Ehm... he gets to run around and shout that he's gay."

Orochimaru looked amused. "Because he said I was gay?"

"Kind of... I guess..." She blushed, realizing that the entire bet had been because of her stubbornness, and well... the fact that she wanted to prove Orochimaru not gay.

Why she wanted to prove that anyway was beyond her.

"So why did you want to prove I wasn't gay?" he asked, smirking once more.

"Because... because..."

"Because?" he repeated, now sounding pretty teasing. Wow, another first.

"Because..."

"I'm waiting..."

"Oh, I don't know!" Tsunade exclaimed frustratingly. "I... I just did! I just wanted to prove I was right and that you weren't gay! That's it!"

"Well, if you wanted to have me go out on a date, why didn't you ask me, then?" Orochimaru wondered, raising an eyebrow.

"Because, I, uh..." Tsunade went red in the face. "I was assured you'd say no."

"Why?"

"I'm not your type."

"Says who?"

Tsunade looked up, pure astonishment plastered all over her face. "Excuse me?"

"I said, 'says who'?"

"Uh... I don't know. You're the quiet, cool kind of guy who likes training, I'm the kind of girl who likes talking much and is casualeven though I don't have anything against training. Strictly speaking I think we're just opposites." She laughed nervously. "That's a reason good enough, isn't it?"

"Haven't you heard of the saying, 'opposites attract'?" he now said with a smirk and looked her straight in the face as he leaned closer.

Tsunade's face went tomato-red because of how close their faces were to each other, but the last second he pulled away from the petrifying position, turned around to leave, but before doing so, he stopped, looked across his shoulder with the same emotionless face as usual and said:

"Ichiraku, 11 a.m. tomorrow. And don't be late."

Tsunade just stared after him. Then, when he was out of sight, she sat down on the grass, sighing deeply out of reliefand then smiled a little. Maybe the past few days hadn't been that bad after all... it had been worth the work. Now she was just going to lean back and relax with his new date. Not such a problem, eh?

* * *

"Tsunade-hime, Tsunade-hime... you should always know that shinobi don't give up too easily...", Jiraiya murmured for himself behind the bushes, having watched the entire scene. It surprised him his teammate would go on a date with Tsunade at all, let alone almost sounding non-gay. 

"But, Tsunade-hime", he added in a whisper with a sneer, "You just got past phase one. Phase two will begin soon..."

* * *

**Tsukiko: **Hope you liked the chapter:D The next one is coming soon!  
**Inner Tsukiko: **How soon is 'soon'? You said you'd be done with This Is (Not) My First Time 'soon' and you ended up being stuck at the twenty-fifth chapter.  
**Tsukiko: **I'm not stuck, I'm only trying to think of what to write next.  
**Inner Tsukiko: **When thinking of such a thing for a certain amount of time, it's called being stuck.  
**Tsukiko: **You make it sound as though I've been writing it for months. Only for some days, actually. But please review! Ja ne :D

* * *

**Reviews Corner **

Corzova: Thanks :)

Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin: Sorry, the original version was that he was supposed to blush, but since you said he would not blush, and I've struggled to keep him in character so far, I didn't know what I'd write and I ended up quoting you. xP Sorry! Okay, I changed the 'OOC' thing, I'm so used to the word so it came up automatically when I wrote that :P Eh... what's IMO, by the way? o.O Well, the problem with the bolds and italics actually appear after I upload the document. It's some kind of weird problem I don't get because I haven't heard anyone have it before. I think it's because of my dad's computer. Thanks anyway:)

Night Tiger Goddess: Thanks and sorry for the wait :D

lallyzippo: Thanks, I'm glad you like it :)

Sodeno Shiroyuki: Well, I put the warning of OOC Orochithere 'cause I didn't really know how in character and out of character he'd be throughout the story xD I've always had issues trying to keep certain characters in character, but he might become a little OOC soon xP And thanks, I'm glad you like it:D Uchiha-sama... that's what I'd like to call both brothers, so I prefer not to call them that to avoid confusion XD

SoundCloud: Thanks :D

Shikabane-Mai: Thanks, I'm glad that you like the fic so much :D

NanoMecka: Thanks :D

Kyo-kun AND Hatsuharu are hot: I agree with you - Haru and Kyou _are _so hot! And Yuki and Hatori and... anyway, -cough- thanks:D

**Thanks for the reviews, minna:) I'm overjoyed every time I find a new one! Please continue to review!

* * *

**

_Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: The Date I: Emergency! Jiraiya's pleading_

**_Orochimaru's eyes widened in horror. Well, even Orochimaru who was NEVER frightened, NEVER with capitals, I repeat N-E-V-E-R, as in never ever, felt fear awake inside him. But then again, who wouldn't? _**

Any guy who was forced to such a terrible thing would die out of fear. Even the Hokage would rather fight with a bunch of skilled super-assasins or even one of the Jinchuuriki than dealing with every man's deepest fear...

The thing that all men despise and all women love...

... the thing Orochimaru wouldn't do if he so had to choose between 9999999 D-rank missions and THAT...

... the horrible or loveablething that we all know...

Shopping.

(A/N: Sorry all guys who like shopping out there and all girls who hate it, but imagine Orochimaru go shopping! XD It was just to make it dramatic that I expressed it that way. Aaaah, shopping! I need to go shopping soon before I die of lack of shopping! T.T)

* * *

**Fanfictions Coming Up!**

Hi guys :D I'm soon done with This Is (Not) My First Time (I don't know when this fic will be done, though... x.x Probably in a couple of weeks or something), and I wonder what you'd like to see next? Please vote in your review! Arigatou:D

Replacement - Obito asked Kakashi to take care of Rin in his place, and to grant his best friend's death wish, he obeyed. But what happens when Rin runs away because she thinks Kakashi's protectiveness is only for Obito's sake? And what happens when they meet, seven years later, both successful and skilled jounins and teachers of two teams, both called Team 7? KakaRin Minor SasuSaku  
Genre: Romance

Don't Forget Me - During their last year in high school, we meet funny, kind and always late for class Haruno Sakura with her four friends, Naruto, Tenten, Neji and Ino. Then a new student arrives, ice prince Uchiha Sasuke, who Sakura's friend Ino immediately claims to be 'hers', and warns them not to try to 'steal' Sasuke. Then, to everybody's horror and surprise, something throws (well, roughly expressed) Sasuke and Sakura together, and just as suddenly as they're announced to be a couple, just as suddenly they're torn apart.. and once again thrown back together, in a cruel game of Hide-and-Seek, guessing and tag. Based on the Korean TV series, Dong Ji Lian Qu (I don't know its original title, tho, only the Chinese translation), which can be translated into something like 'Winter's Romance Tale' or 'Winter's Romantic Tragedy' or something similar (I suck at Chinese). NaruSakuSasuIno Slight NejiTen  
Genre: Romance/Drama

Forbidden Memories - In order to free Sasuke from his curse, Sakura finds Orochimaru's henchmen who possess the power to granta wish for a high price... your memories that you must regain in order to make the wish come true, but you have a time limit... thus, Sakura becomes Orochimaru's test for Sasuke (who is forced to take care of her) to prove his loyalty and the fact that he has broken all bonds. But will Sasuke be able to pass the test? SasuSaku  
Genre: Romance (mostly, it's slightly angsty here and there but it's mainly romance)

**NEW! **Dance With Me - When tough guy and hiphopdancer Uchiha Sasuke and bittersweet ballerina Haruno Sakura were thrown into a wild dancing tournament where they were forced to cooperate, they never knew what awaited them. SasuSaku, minor NejiTen, NaruHina and ShikaIno  
Genre: Romance(maybe angsty?)

**NEW! **Princess Sakura - She's a princess who has just run away from the castle. He's a normal guy who looks like any girl's dream prince. She's cheerful and talkative. He's cold and quiet.So how the hell did things get like this? SasuSaku  
Genre: Romance (mostly, a little bit humor here and there, but..)

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**(A/N: If you find errors such as words pasted together likethis, sentences that are in bold or italics when they shouldn't be or sentences that are repeated even though they're not supposed to, please tell me. This happens a lot out of some unknown reason, and it isn't because it was like that from the beginning - no, when I edit the chapters after uploading them, they get like that. I don't know why, maybe it's my dad's computer being weird. And also, do the symbols ' and ... look weird? Because on dad's computer, it does.)**


	5. The Date I: Jiraiya's Pleading

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Naruto, because I'min it. I'm totally kickass and pwn even Itachi, and of course I happen to be a reaaally pretty villain who just happens to be Itachi's fiancée and Deidara's best friend. AND Sakura's sister AND Sasuke-kun's childhood crush.

**Inner Tsukiko: **Dream on.  
**Tsukiko: **-sigh- A girl can't dream, can't she?

* * *

**Chapter 4: The Date I: Emergency! Jiraiya's pleading **

Tsunade looked herself in the mirror for what seemed like the zillionth time the same morning.Pink, green or blue? Or turquoise? Purple? Black? White? Grey?

"Tsunade, you'll be late for your date!" she heard her mom shout from the kitchen. _Damn that woman anyway. How does she know everything without me telling her? _"You wrote in your diary that it's supposed to be at 11 a.m. and it's almost 11 a.m. already!" _Crap, so now I know. Note to self: do not write anymore in diary. At least not about personal things. _

"Yeah, I knoooow! Just leave me be for a second! I'm coming downstairs soon!" Tsunade called back as she unhappily looked at her reflection. Truth to be told, she didn't look bad; pastel pink turtleneck t-shirt, a black skirt and blue sandals. But it looked so casual. But then again, she couldn't imagine herself going beside Orochimaru on the streets in one of her fancy dresses she always wore during dates. Orochimaru would so not dress formally, so why did she need to do it too?

Sighing, Tsunade put the little bag of weapons in her pocket just in case Jiraiya decided to attack them, and left her room, trotting cheerfully towards the kitchen.

* * *

"Orochimaru!"

Orochimaru, who stood with his eyes closed, leaning towards one of the chairs in the ramen store in the shadows, his arms crossed **(A/N: Typical Sasuke-kun pose... suits Orochi too, ne? x3) **and looked up when Tsunade arrived. She was dressed casually, but still, her outfit seemed strange in Orochimaru's eyes; he was used seeing her dressed in that turquoise outfit of hers. He himself was dressed in one of those white yukatas he always wore.

"Ohayou!" she greeted him cheerfully.

"Ah. Ohayou," he responded.

"So," she beamed, "Where do you want to go?"

Orochimaru shrugged. "I don't know."

"Hmm... hey, what about having some ramen?"

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow. "Haven't you eaten breakfast?"

Tsunade smiled embarrassedly. "Actually... no. Have you?"

He shook his head, and the beam appeared again on her face as she said: "Well, let's have some ramen then! Oji-san!"

A boy appeared behind the counter, with beige-brown hair and suntanned skin. His eyes could hardly be seen, but they seemed to be black, and he was wearing a white uniform. "Ohayou," he said with a grin.

"Ohayou. Where's your father?" Tsunade asked patiently.

"I don't know." The boy looked at her happily. "But I'm going to work here when I get older! And I'll have an assistant..." He looked dreamfully at the horizon. "... and that's going to be my future daughter, Ayame! Don't you think it's time for me to train now?"

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "If you wouldn't mind, I'd prefer speaking with your father."

"Nobody ever listens to me." The boy sighed, and then turned around and shouted: "Tou-san! Customers!"

"Aa! I'm coming!" a voice almost identical to the boy's said, and a man appeared behind the counter. Both Tsunade and Orochimaru sweatdropped as they realized the man looked like an identical, older clone of the boy; the same beige-brown hair, and the same suntanned skin, even the same white uniform. Just that there were more wrinkles in the man's face. "Ohayou! What'd you like?"

"A miso ramen, and a..." Tsunade looked at Orochimaru questioningly. "What'd you like?"

Orochimaru shrugged. "Whatever."

"Okay. Two bowls of miso ramen," Tsunade smiled at the man.

"Two bowls of miso ramen are coming," he assured, and then called to the kitchen: "Two bowls of miso ramen!"

"Done in a minute!" a woman's voice responded.

"So, Orochimaru..." Tsunade grinned at him. "What do you want to do today?"

He shrugged again. "Whatever. You can decide."

"Really?" Tsunade's eyes lit up. "You... you won't mind?"

Orochimaru thought for a while. Then his yellow eyes looked into her brown ones, and suddenly Tsunade felt nervous. It felt as though this couple of eyes were piercing through her soul. "No."

"Okay!" Tsunade beamed. Then she told him what she wanted to do. And then...

Orochimaru's eyes widened in horror. Well, even Orochimaru who was NEVER frightened, NEVER with capitals, I repeat N-E-V-E-R, as in never ever, felt fear awake inside him. But then again, who wouldn't?

Any guy who was forced to such a terrible thing would die out of fear. Even the Hokage would rather fight with a bunch of skilled super-assasins or even one of the Jinchuuriki than dealing with every man's deepest fear...

The thing that all men despise and all women love...

... the thing Orochimaru wouldn't do if he so had to choose between 9999999 D-rank missions and THAT...

... the horrible or loveable thing that we all know...

Shopping.

* * *

"Sensei! Sarutobi-sensei!" Jiraiya was shouting as he ran towards his teacher in the training grounds. Sarutobi looked up from a book whose rating was 'M' according to the front page, and quickly hid it behind his back.

"Ah... Jiraiya? What're you doing here, looking so... stressed?" he asked as calmly as he could manage.

Jiraiya stared at him, and then at his hands behind his back. "Sensei, you're hiding a M book, aren't you?"

"No, no, of course not! Of course... of course not...," Sarutobi muttered. Jiraiya raised an eyebrow, and then shook his head.

"But that doesn't matter now! Sensei, can you help me with something? Please! It's very, very important..."

"If it's training, maybe I can." Sarutobi stuffed the book into his pocket. "What is it?"

"Well..." Jiraiya sighed. "It's like this..."

* * *

"Orochimaru, let's go to this shop!" Tsunade chirped as she walked into the umpteenth clothes boutique the same day, and after just a couple of seconds picked out at least a dozen outfits. Orochimaru glanced at the clock on the wall. _Only _2 p.m.? He suppressed a groan. It felt as though they had been shopping for _decades_. Somehow, he felt exhausted, even though he almost never did.

"What do you think about this? And this? And this?" Tsunade walked to and fro from the changing room to right outside the changing room. Orochimaru looked uninterestedly at the clothes she was wearing. All of them looked similar to each other.

"... They look good," he said at last, and Tsunade sighed.

"Orochimaru, if you don't like shopping, we can do something else. Like... like... we can go training."

Training? Orochimaru's eyes lit up. It didn't sound like such a bad idea, after all this horrible shopping. Then he saw the look in Tsunade's eyes, hidden behind that "I-don't-care-let's-do-what-you-like" surface. Well, maybe training wasn't the thing you did on dates, after all.

Be a man, Orochimaru. Be a man and try to stand this horrible, awful torture.

"Whatever," he shrugged.

"Okay!" Tsunade's beaming smile appeared again. "So what do you think about this?... And this? And... oh my god, this is awful! How about this, then? And this?"

Orochimaru felt as though he had just gone to the very depths of hell and was put under endless torture. For a moment, he wondered if that's what the torture was in hell; maybe your punishment was shopping, every single day, twenty-four hours.

Just the thought made him wish he was a woman instead.

* * *

"So... you want help with...," Sarutobi said slowly.

"... with ruining Tsunade's and Orochimaru's date! It's important, Sarutobi-sensei! Please!" Jiraiya pleaded.

"And why," Sarutobi wondered, "Would I do that?"

Jiraiya's lips cracked into an evil grin. "Do you want the entire village to know of your collection of _Playboy _magazines?"

"Fine," Sarutobi muttered. "I'll help you."

* * *

"Orochimaru?" Tsunade looked at the half-dying snake boy, who was leaning against a fence, his arm on the fence and his face buried in his elbow. "Are you tired?"

"No," Orochimaru muttered with a muffled voice. "I'm just..."

_I'm just hating your goddamned, awful, idiotic shopping_, he wanted to say, but he couldn't say that.

"... just resting for a while."

"Are you tired?" she repeated the question, and as he heard her walking towards him, he raised his face a little to show he wasn't tired. What he didn't know was that his face was giving him away; he looked as though he had just run all the way around the world in a couple of minutes.

"Hn," he replied, not bothering to answer the question. Suddenly, she put a hand on his forehead. At first, Orochimaru's first impulse was to pull away, but then he decided to let it stay. Somehow, he felt his cheeks burning. _Why? Oh, I bet I've been doing too much shopping. Too much shopping makes you feel so exhausted it feels like you're on fire. Yes, that must be right.___

But that didn't explain why he wanted her to have her hand stay on his forehead for a longer time when she finally pulled away. "You've a bit of a fever," she remarked with a frown. "Are you ill?"

"No," he said. "Can we just..." _NOT GO SHOPPING? _he groaned in his thoughts. "... take a break, or something? I... uh..."

"You don't do shopping a lot, do you?" she smiled. He blinked in astonishment. "It's okay, I could see that. You look really tired, and besides..." She laughed a little. "I should've guessed shopping wasn't your kind of thing. We can go training, if that's what you like."

"No... it's okay. We can go shopping." He paused. "... It's just that..."

"Yeah, we can take a pause if you want." Tsunade grinned. "Besides... I think you're catching a cold. You should be more careful with the training."

"Thanks, and... sorry?" Orochimaru answered. Tsunade only smiled back.

_Honestly_, Orochimaru thought, _maybe shopping DOES make you feel like you're on fire...___

_But that has nothing to do with exhaustion. _He glanced at the now happily babbling Tsunade. _Nothing at all._

_

* * *

_

"Just you wait, Tsunade," Jiraiya sneered. "You think you've won, but you've not. No, the bet's far from over..."

* * *

_Sneak Preview of Next Chapter: The Date II: Changing, Replacing and... Strike!_

**"I'm in love with Jiraiya! I think he's the moooost handsome guy in the woooorld," Jiraiya sang, pleased with his Tsunade-voice.**

"Tsunade, are you drunk?" Orochimaru asked calmly. But his eyebrow was twitching somewhat, to Jiraiya's surprise.

"No! No, I'm not!" Jiraiya burst out shrilly. "I am fully capable of... of conquering the world! Mwahahahahahah!" He then gave Orochimaru a grin. "Now try your evil laughter."

_

* * *

_

**Tsukiko: **Yes, I know that this chapter wasn't the best -.-; Next chapter will hopefully be better, though (scheduled to come later in October). Sorry for the late update, guys! T.T Next time I'll write faster. I've just been so busy in real life and with my other fanfics, as well... but stay tuned, 'cause next chapter is coming pretty soon! (And please leave a review :D)

* * *

Reviews Corner

Ryushi-the-DutchEroSennin: MIND-READER! XD Just kidding, but insane ebil laughter coming your way next chapter xDD And thanks for the review:3

Shikabane-Mai: Thank you! And yeah, I know... fear the power of shopping! XD

NanoMecka: Thanks :)

SoundCloud: Arigatou x3

whatthehellwasithinkin: Yeah, Orochimaru sure hide a lot of surprises ;D Thanks for the review!

Corzova: Thanks:)

Sodeno Shiroyuki: Arigatou gozaimasu :D

Kikyo Sabishii: Tsunade and Sasuke? -puke gag gag puke- And thanks for correcting me! But I wrote Chapter 3 because the first chapter that was published wasn't an actual chapter, it was a prologue xD; And no, it's not supposed to be capital letter because the sentence hadn't come to an end. :) Thanks for correcting me anyway, I'll try to fix the other errors soon. ;)

koppoi: Thanks, I will :D

Kyo-kun AND Hatsuharu are hot: Thanks, I hope so :)

Wednesday's Dawn: Thanks, I will try :D

Night Tiger Goddess: Thanks :)

Dog of the Dead: Sorry for the late update xD And I'm glad that you like my fic :)

chibi-kaiyaska: Lmao xD Thanks for the review anyway :)

lallyzippo: Yeah, the Goddess of Shopping (a.k.a. _moi_) shalt conquer the world (and Chibi Orochimaru x3)! Mwahahahahah - (Inner Tsukiko: -whacks- -.-) OW! Gomen... and thanks for the review :D

14-SaKuRa UcHiHa-14: Thanks :D And same here! We must believe in SasuSaku, or else the world will die xD -is whacked again by Inner Tsukiko- OW!

Glimia: Thanks, I'll try :D

RuKiA RoJaS: Thanks:D 


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